Identifying An Abuser

Spending one’s life in an unpleasant marriage/relationship is not easy. A person has every right to break free of a union that is verbally, physically, emotionally and/or financially abusive.

Rather than seeking to break off your marriage later, wouldn’t it be better to make a conscious effort to choose your life partner wisely?  It could save a lot of psychological turmoil. In most cases a separation/divorce gets really ugly and is an emotionally draining and life disrupting experience.

Marriage is a gamble, even if you make extensive investigations. Nonetheless, before tying the knot, every individual (irrespective of gender) should always watch out for character traits that indicate their significant other is an abuser. Here are some of the behaviors that can help you identify an abuser:

• Constantly undermining you by making you feel incapable of performing even simple tasks.

• Not being comfortable with the idea of you having an independent social life. A potentially abusive partner will be resentful of any time that you spend with your friends.

• Being openly jealous and suspicious of even the most platonic interactions that you have with the opposite gender.

• Discouraging you from maintaining healthy relations with your family.

• Keeping a check on your finances and trying to limit the expenses you incur, even for the most essential of things.

• Monitoring your expenditures even if you are earning independently.

• Attempting to intimidate you by glaring at you or showing signs of physical aggression.

• Setting baseless restrictions on your day to day activities.

• Dictating what you should do and not letting you make independent choices.

• Making frequent disrespectful and unwarranted statements about your parents, siblings and/or extended family.

• Being a hurdle in your career.

• Discouraging you from acquiring further education or polishing your skills.

• Taking away or damaging your possessions.

• Being way too interested in weapons such as guns and knives.

• Showing appreciation and acceptance towards any form of societal violence or terrorist act.

• Insisting upon acts of non-consensual intimacy.

• Coercing you to take drugs or consume alcohol.

This list could go on, but these were the traits that are predominant in most abusers. One can never be too careful though, and if you do end up with an abuser just remember that there is always a way out. You need to be courageous enough to defend yourself and disengage from such a relationship.